When I do indulge in this game, it is most often in December or January.
I sometimes wonder how my life would have turned out if it hadn't been for a particular Monday night in January 1997 ...
What if Pastor Johnson had never agreed to meet with us?
What if my friend had never made that life-altering phone call?
How would our lives have been different ...?
I possibly would have gone through with the scheduled abortion. If so, MacKenzie would never have been born. Oh my, how I cannot imagine life without this precious daughter who brings so much joy and laughter to our days!
But MacKenzie is not the only child who would be missing from our lives. Corrie. Isaac. Samuel. Destiny. Michael Ray. Half of our family would be absent!
Amanda had already moved in with her dad the same day Terry had moved out, on New Year's Day. Stephanie, Emily, Haley and I would have continued on as best we could.
I'm convinced that Terry would have remarried. I've thought about that aspect quite a bit. How agonizing it would have been to see my husband happily enjoying life with someone else. Sharing his hopes, his dreams, his fears with another. Married to a woman who would not only take my place in my husband's arms, but who also would be mothering my daughters. The two of them would have picked up my little girls on Friday evenings to spend fun weekends together; making plans and wonderful memories. All ... without Mommy.
I would have found a job, most likely as a restaurant manager, working at least 50 hours a week, including many evenings away from my daughters. My focus would have been on earning enough money to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. Three little girls probably would've viewed daddy and his new wife as fun and cool and much more enjoyable to be with than a tired, grumpy mommy whose standard answer would be "NO". "No, you can't have your friends over; I'm too tired." "No; we can't afford it." "No, you can't be involved in that; I have to work."
I cannot imagine that I would have remarried. I mean, even if there had been a decent man who would have considered marrying a woman with four young daughters, I doubt that I would have been up to the challenge for a third marriage.
Besides, bitterness, depression, and jealousy don't leave much room in the heart for love.
This bleak world that exists only in the dark recesses of my mind also eventually includes rebellious, promiscuous teenage daughters and out-of-wedlock grandbabies. I can almost feel the pain and heartbreak of this tragic, imaginary life.
A life that could have become my reality.
And this is the part where I begin praising God for that last Monday in January 1997; the first of many life-changing Monday nights!
This is when my eyes well with tears as my heart overflows with gratitude to my Lord and Savior for pouring out His grace and mercy on us; for saving my soul, for rescuing my family out of the miry pit, and for putting our feet on the path to abundant life in Him.
Thank You Lord, for sending a godly Pastor that Monday evening to counsel us; a wise man of Your choosing, with a servant's heart, who was willing to step down into the trenches with us to show us the One Way out of the pit we had dug for ourselves.
The stage had been set long before that night, of course. Our hearts had been drawn and prepped to receive the truth that would be shared with us.
But I will always hold a special fondness of remembrance in my heart ...
For the last Monday in January.
|Photo of Pastor and me, during one of those Monday nights in 1997.|
Is there a particular day, event, or season that causes you to reflect on the goodness of God?